Has the world always been divided into haves and have-nots? Communism was a failed attempt at reducing inequality. We know from ‘Animal farm’ by George Orwell that some animals are in fact more equal than others. And yet, problems of equality and diversity awareness are inescapably present in the background of intercultural work. A few weeks ago I visited a friend in Mumbai, India. I was incredibly hungry in the morning, so after waking up at the crack of dawn, I went to the kitchen to sneak into the fridge and satiate myself. I was greeted by the cook and I politely addressed him in English. It became apparent that we did not have any language in common. Using some gestures I tried to indicate that I was starving. Luckily, my friend Perissa came to the rescue as she walked in and swiftly spoke Marathi to the cook. This was the moment when we both realised (and felt!) that speaking English in India determines social status. Higher classes can afford to send their kids to schools where the language of instruction is English. Until then my friend did not really consider whether or not her cook spoke English. In that exact moment we both became acutely aware of our status in society. As I travel the world, I am more and more conscious of how lucky I am. It awakenes a sense of social responsibility in me, so I wonder how to promote dignity and respect worldwide.
the sum of our privileges puts us either ahead or behind others
When talking about privilege I like to use the concept of RANK developed by Arny Mindell. He defines rank as the sum of the privileges we have. I would like to bring your attention to several points raised by Mindell in his book ‘Sitting in the fire’ that I wholeheartedly recommend.
Where there is diversity, there are rank differences.
Whether we want it or not, our global and local communities have implicit systems that assign value to certain characteristics. Starting in nursery, there are kids that are fun to be around and there are some that are quiet outcasts. It begins early and continues throughout life as we bring ourselves into every new situation along with the ranking that society unconsciously gave us.
Rank is context dependent.
In some places it may be advantageous to have particular abilities or traits. The rank we have will change depending on circumstances. For instance, when I’m in Poland I have more rank than an English-speaking person. However, when I’m in the UK, I have less rank due to my accent. I am somewhat an outsider. I manage to sort of save myself by being eloquent…phew! However, people who speak with a thick accent are seen as less intelligent and less competent.
Rank is like a drug – the more you have it, the less aware you are.
For many years I would question my abilities. People used to tell me that I was intelligent, but I would brush it off. Despite having four degrees, I did not feel and own the power that came from my skills and knowledge. It changed after my therapy and I let go of the game of false modesty. It seems to me that we often overlook what we are good at because we take it for granted. Think about your school days. Surely, there were some kids in your class that were good at Maths and would solve an equation in no time and just sit there bored. They thought it was normal and they were unaware of their rank that came with ability.
Insensitivity to rank creates abuse.
Let’s continue with the smart kid situation. If you were sort of average in Maths, English or any other subject, how did you feel when the smart kid announced that something was easy…? You may have felt inadequate or jealous. The smart kid did not mean to hurt you, but it was implicit in the situation that you were not as good. Similarly, some men are unaware of their privileges, such as being treated more seriously or having access to leadership positions. They might say to their female counterparts “Oh, come on, inequality? It’s 2019 now! It’s a thing of the past.” Men only partially appreciate what it is like to be on a lower pay scale just because you raised a couple of kids… That really angers some women who feel inferior and discriminated against. It’s a bit like when you go on holidays to a less developed country raving about how cheap it is, without really noticing how people actually live there. This makes the locals feel like less of a person. It is abusive.
Belonging to the majority group gives you rank.
We have all heard the statistics concerning US prisons and the institutional racism that is endemic in many countries. A white person would statistically expect a shorter jail sentence. True and tragically unfair. However, when I walk into a comedor (cheap restaurant in Latin America) with my Mayan friend David, he is the person that is first addressed by the waiter. He has more rank in Guatemala where around 60% of people are indigenous. I have less rank, I’m just a gringo here.
Rank modulates self-esteem.
Needless to say, we take on board the messages given to us by our culture and internalise them. If we belong to a minority, we are then marginalised. We become withdrawn and left out. At the top of the social ranking system we would usually find a white, middle class and educated heterosexual male. For instance, many LGBT folks struggle with self-esteem and may feel excluded in society.
Awareness of rank reduced struggles in relationships and communities.
Let’s come back to the example of the smart kid. Some of these kids were kind and used their rank wisely. They gently explained what they knew to others without putting them down and making out that they knew it all. This approach values everyone and invites belonging, which are vital when creating a community. Imagine a relationship where one of the couple is very independent and does not need much support (more rank). The other one needs reassurance and is more dependent (less rank). When the independent one becomes aware of their rank, harmony, connection and understanding will ensue.
Rank is a double signal.
Double signals are moments of communication when things don’t add up. For instance, a client might say to me in a session “I feel so stupid” and smile at the same time. It may be that she is showing a sign of resignation to her fate… or maybe she has to welcome her true abilities, which will bring her joy. Another example of a double signal is killing a difficult colleague with kindness. You may have some rank by the virtue of being calm, collected and in control. The colleague may be disorganised, inefficient and struggle with low self-esteem. Imagine they’re looking for some documents. You happen to find them and you pass them on to them with a quiet smirk of superiority. On the surface you’re kind, but your smile is a double signal that indicates the unconscious need to dominate. That’s why we have to be aware of the rank we have, so that we can act wisely. In this case, perhaps you would like to lead and your task is to do it shrewdly… by strengthening those around you!
Let’s put it altogether now. While I of course disagree with the notion that some social and ethnic groups should be favoured over others, this is how society unconsciously classifies us. Have a look and consider your rank based on your traits. The aim is to become aware of the factors that create a power imbalance resulting from rank differences. Hopefully, the more everyone is conscious of these, the weaker their grip over us.
Mindell gives us some tips how to deal with rank differences:
“Most of us are aware only of the rank or power we do not have.”
“Unconscious use of rank shows in a tendency to marginalise the problems of others.”
“If you use rank consciously, it’s a medicine.”
I am struggling as I write the ending. It shows me that rank is a powerful concept that does not lose its grip easily. We are educated into perceiving a particular version of reality. It takes a conscious effort to act against the forces of society. My blog post is a small drop in a whole ocean of influences that I have no control over. However, I can choose to be aware of the privileges I have, so that I see humanity in every person I meet.
awareness of rank differenes creates community
Really interesting
I never consciously thought of using my rank medicinally, but this does make a lot of sense.
In many cases as a non white female who chose to stay home and raise her children rather than continue with formal education and persue a career, I do not rank highly in Western society, though as an English speaking woman educated in London, I may well use my rank to balance a great deal of inequality amongst my fellow females India , which is Superb !
Hello Shivendra! I would like to reply with a little story. Do you remember when we walked along the Thames to my house… I had a very nice chat with you. I think you have a great deal of wisdom, i.e. spiritual rank. You have raised your kids, you went through a number of challenges. I felt slightly intimidated (or perhaps envious…) by your rank… I felt less experienced and I thought “I should know these things”. I told you that you spoke as a psychotherapist would. That’s the point, we can have lower rank in one ares (e.g. staying home) but very high in other area (e.g. wisdom and spirituality). I was in awe, I said to you that I admired your spiritual qualities… and you did not make a big deal out of it, you were just like “Mate, this is just looking, observing and reflecting on life, innit…?” We are often not strongly aware of the power and privilege we have. I am excited to hear that you are thinking about new ways of using your rank to boost your fellow females in India!
I can’t help thinking that the more people focus on things like this the more divided we become; just be nice to everyone – for me, it’s really that simple :O)
Hello there! I wish it were so simple, just to be nice. I worked for 6 years with kids excluded from school… and as much as I did want to promote kindess, it didn’t work. There are unconscious patterns, whether we like them or not, that come in the way. When we ran a workshop in an international school with my colleage, we did not of course say “Hey, your rank is lower!” This is mainly for the purpose of making issues of abuse conscious and giving power to people that may feel marginalised. When we are left out, we also grow in our psychological and spiritual rank which gives us power. This power is sometimes unconscious. The idea here is to empower everyone because the global community needs everyone. Raising awareness will transform this unconscious social ranking system and it will no longer be valid. Then we can be nice 🙂
Hi there. A psychiatrist once said to me ‘no-one can MAKE you feel anything’ and I’ve never forgotten that. In my opinion, and it is just that, the constant micro examination of conscious or subconcious ways that people may malign/offend/marginalise others does nothing to empower individuals who may actually need help. It seems as though everyone is a victim these days, often finding offence where there is none intended, inviting criticism by insisting that their ‘rights’ must take precedence over everyone else’s. If human beings could just learn to accept each other and, yes, be nice, this World would be a much happier and less divided place.
All this is obviously just my opinion but, for me, sticking another label on people which will make them question their own values and their own self-esteem will do more harm than good.
Hello ! I see your point about the microexamination of every singe issue. In my practice (for example couples counselling) I may use the concept of rank to ask people about the power that they are not aware of. I do not put labels and point out where people might be seen as less powerful. This thinking informs my interventions. I was trained to focus on resources, to enhance what is working. Hence I often choose a line of enquiry that validates people’s survival strategies. Yes, you had a tough time and you made it. What qualities enabled you to do that…? That sort of thing. In my experience, clients are thrilled to be seen as capable and courageous. I agree that there is a lot of victimisation going on these days. I have not found a simple way of working with diversity that results in people “just accepting” each other. I know the idea that no one can MAKE you feel in a particular way. In Transactional Analysis we say that people are INVITED to feel something and it’s ultimately their decision if they ACCEPT that invitation. And yet, we operate in systems (be it social, family or organisational) that are internalised… we take the messages given to us on board and to a great degree, they are unconscious. I was actually concerned writing this post that it could be seen as deterministic, that there is some social ranking game going on that we have to comply to… In fact this is about challenging this through compassion and awareness. What do you think is a good way of promoting kindness and acceptance? I’m curious….
I think that people (from childhood) internalise things because they are constantly told, either directly or indirectly, ‘you can’t say that’ or ‘you can’t think like that’ so, rather than saying what’s on their mind they ‘adapt’ to become socially acceptable. These days, there are so many things that are not deemed ‘socially acceptable’ and, at the same time, so many people pushing against society’s dictates that it’s difficult to know what to think.
Most negativity, in my experience, stems from fear and most people are driven by the need to feel loved or liked. If we take racism, for example, Government will tell us that it is unacceptable and yet they will tell us that we are at risk from immigrants. Therefore, people will react to others who they deem ‘different’ either with fear, in which case they will ‘attack’ them or from a position of wanting to be liked in which case they will take the dictate ‘do not be racist’ to extremes. This results in ‘perceived’ racism; there is no intent, often the ‘target’ will not take offence but the individual claiming a racist act has taken place will feel as though they are ‘pleasing’ the powers that be.
To answer your question, I would say that the only way to promote acceptance and kindness is to stop telling people what they ‘should’ think and feel. Children don’t need diversity training because they will accept anyone who is interested in the same games and toys that they are. They may be mean to kids that don’t want to play hide and seek one day but be happy to be their friend the next day because they love to play on the swings. Telling a child that they are ‘bad’ if they don’t let everyone play leads to resentment and then to dislike and then to hatred and then to bullying.
Of course we need to set boundaries but a society with so many tightly binding, conflicting ‘rules’ which determine whether or not we will be socially acceptable leads to division and fear…..which then leads to more negativity.
I guess what I am saying is that less social engineering will probably make for a more balanced society.
Again, all just my opinion and thanks for the debate – it’s interesting :O)
Thank you for such an exhaustive comment. Lots to think about… I understand what you mean by political correctness taken to extremes… We are taught to be adapted and this adaptation kills authentic relating. Funny you should mention social engineering. I was teaching my first class to Guatemalan teachers and they talked about ‘mechanisation’ of the education system. I am also about what you are saying in terms of Buddhism. The story, the adaptations, the drama, the social engineering, the likes and dislikes are part of the narrative of the chattering mind. It seems to me that you’re hinting that when there are natural conditions for the true self to emerge, we do not have to correct them through ‘programmes’ or ‘diversity training! I enjoy a good debate. Good luck to you!
Yes exactly. I think if Buddhism was taught in schools there would be far fewer problems in the world 😊